One week and one day ago I underwent ACL reconstruction surgery for a torn ACL and a torn meniscus and one week ago I was laying on my couch, drugged up but still somehow in pain unable to move from the couch without the aid of crutches and my mom and without the scare that I could fall and/or throw up from the nausea that the pain was causing me. By Tuesday I could hobble around well enough without crutches but on Wednesday I needed to bring the crutches back because my first physical therapy appointment was so taxing. Thursday rolled around and I made a venture to the mall to get some groceries and I thought I was making big steps but yesterday, at another PT appointment my therapist informed me that a healthy person has an 130 degree range of motion and mine is about 60 degrees.
Why am I telling you a boring detailed description of my post surgery week? To prove that healing, of any sort, is not a linear experience, it is curvy and windy and full of hills and crevices. It may feel like one day you’re soaring higher than you have ever before only the next day to be back at the very beginning. You know the saying two steps forward and one step back? Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back but it can also feel like three steps forward and half a step back. Healing, whether it be physical, mental or emotional is an exhausting experience. Progress can be slow, incremental or it can occur in leaps and bounds. Often we find ourselves so anxious to get to the finish line and skip over the race that we don’t let ourselves be proud of the little accomplishments that we have made along the way. Being able to bend the knee ten degrees more than I could the day before or eating a full meal without feeling guilty afterwards. These steps do not mean that I am healed, they do not mean I can stop working hard but it is significant and I should let myself be proud of them. Healing may not be linear but try and soak up the journey that it takes you on.