Turning Suffering into Success
Over the past six years while battling both my mental and physical health I have learned so many lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. While most of these lessons took a lot of pain and tears they are probably the most valuable lessons I will ever learn. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that sometimes we have to fall and let ourselves crumble in times of hurt just so we can pick ourselves back up and be so much stronger than before. I always say that I would not trade my hardest moments for the world. You may be thinking that I am a little crazy for saying that but I would not be the strong determined girl I am if it were not for my struggles.
I have struggled with my health for a big portion of my life and I have had my fair share of different medical issues. Most recently I have been struggling a lot with my mental health. I have had anxiety for most of my life. I was diagnosed in first grade with separation anxiety and social anxiety. Growing up with anxiety was so hard and affected me so much. By my senior year of high school I finally was at a good place with my mental health. In senior year I was finally mentally strong enough to push through my social anxiety and do a presentation in one of my classes, it might not sound like a big deal but this was huge to me and a major milestone.
As my freshman year of college got closer my mental health started declining again. I was depressed, so anxious that I was physically sick and having multiple panic attacks a day all while trying to manage my health and school. I finally hit my breaking point mid-october and made the decision to remove myself from the toxic environment. My mental health got worse and worse as time went on. By the end of January I could not even leave my house. I was having about nine panic attacks daily and I was constantly doubting my strength. I lost interest in everything and I was to the point where I did not even care if I got help or not. March rolled around just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. I landed in an inpatient psych ward and got even worse instead of getting better. Once I got out of the hospital I went to a women's partial care program where they helped me pick up the pieces and find myself again.
I wish it did not take me hitting rock bottom to realize who I truly am but I am kind of glad that it did. I am thankful for the struggle that I went through. It felt like the pain was never going to end but it did eventually. Now that I have hit my lowest I do everything in my power to prevent that from ever happening again. Sometimes we are so focused on the painful moments in our lives that we tend to forget that we were once in a similar hard situation before and we got through it.
I have learned that even at my hardest moments there is always a lesson to be learned. The lessons I have learned from being sick are lessons I will carry with me forever. I began to turn some of my hardest moments into valuable lessons that will help pave the life I have dreamt of for myself. Life is hard but it is so important that we pick ourselves up and be grateful for the struggles we face because they teach us more than we would ever expect.
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